In the quiet

2.07.2024

There is nothing like God welcoming you into a new kind of intimacy with Him through a new way of coming to the end of yourself. For me, historically this has been through anxiety, fear, health challenges, and chaotic circumstances. Recently God has done this through allowing me to reach “ empty” in verbal communication with Him, and He has been inviting me to just be with him in silence. I’m learning and embracing this opportunity of quiet receptive prayer.  

Throughout the past nine months I often feel “talked-out” from the many discussions involved in the day-to-day patient care and office delegations of my job. It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy working with people as an empathetic extroverted introvert! I desperately need my alone time with Abba in the mornings before going into the work day. In years prior, this often looked like talking to God through writing a letter in my journal about the day before, overnight, and the day ahead. Recently it has looked like simply sitting with God in the silence of the early morning. I’ll quietly sit with Him while sipping on creamy coffee and snuggling my dog, after spending a moment in God’s Word. Sometimes I read a psalm. I’m reading through the Bible front to back for the first time, so sometimes I read a few admittedly boring verses from the Old Testament book I’m currently in, Leviticus. I read the scripture and choose to intentionally set my soul with God, and then just rest there without talking. It’s been delightful. 

I think I used to be scared to sit with God in the quiet, and maybe sometimes I still am. I’m one of those people who tends to talk more if I’m nervous of what the other person will say. I also talk too much when I feel like I need to help others feel comfortable. My husband has always been a better listener and curious question-asker than I am. I’m finally learning to listen a bit better, which I’m realizing mostly just means allowing space to do so by not talking. I’m grateful he points me to God through these innate gifts. I’m grateful God has brought me to a season where I often feel unable to talk anymore, so that I have no choice but to trust Him with the quiet and receive what He will or will not say. 

C.S. Lewis’ book The Screwtape Letters is written from the perspective of a demon of satan revealing the many ways he uses to draw us away from our loving God. I recently started slowly reading through it, and the chapter about prayer was so insightful. It talks about how the devil aims to pull the Christian’s mind away from God and onto oneself during prayer by “trying to produce feelings there by the action of their own wills”. How often I fall into this trap! How often do I pray for peace and then think I’m a hopeless cause because I don’t feel peaceful. How often do I pray for help, and then wonder if God is listening because I don’t feel relieved in that current moment. Prayer is not dependent on emotions, it just requires being with God. Sometimes this involves talking through our thoughts, experiences, and feelings with Him; more importantly though, it’s about listening to His. 

The other day I woke up with Psalm 8 imprinted in my mind. This was not of my own doing, because I don’t have this psalm memorized; and don’t know the last time I read it prior. I sensed the invitation from my Abba to read it that morning during intentionally silent presence prayer with Him. The first verse of Psalm 8 is “Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all of the earth!” I quickly fell into The Screwtape Letters’ described trap of trying to feel an unknown expected way that I thought He wanted. Then God helped me realize I was doing just as the book’s narrator explained: putting my mind on myself, and not the God I was praying to. Victoriously aware of this, I chose to take my mind off of myself and instead put it  back on God and His Word. So I just sat there with God and listened. I just existed in His presence with this verse about His majesty in front of me, free from self-imposed expectations. 

Then Abba showed me that I need to intentionally gaze on His majesty more.  Put in the right perspective (by looking at His glorious majesty) my “big” problems and worries are really so small. Over the years God has often shown me how big He is, and how small me and my problems are, through His majestic creation. Hiking in the woods, riding my horse in an open field, taking in mountain views, or experiencing a wild real northern NY snow storm... all of these are places I am finally quiet and listening. Quiet and with my mind on Him during that morning of presence prayer in my living room, God spoke to me about how big, majestic, and immovable He is, and how small I am. This was a comforting and empowering time with Him. It was necessary that I was quiet and not talking so that I could hear Abba’s patient, humble, and unrushed voice.

Give it a try, just sit with God intentionally without talking. Then when the enemy tries to tempt you to make yourself feel prayerful, peaceful, etc., identify that attack and turn away from it in the victory Jesus gave you! Then just enjoy simply being with God, creating a holy space to be able to listen to Him. I would love to hear about your experiences being quiet with God. What a gift that He invites us to abide with him in quiet, receptive, prayer! 

NICOLE TOPITS